Did you read Born to Run? I did, read it twice actually on recommendation of a friend. I liked it enough to read it again cover to cover. I'm impressed with the Ultra athletes, and know that one of them is vegan (Scott Jurek). I'm a fan of his, he's a good motivator. But, its just not enough for me. Motivation I mean. I don't think there's anything out there that will turn me into a bonafide runner any time soon. I'm struggling every day, after more than 2 years of running, its still a chore.
On the upside I get to see things that no one else will see at that moment in time. Today was a run like that, a little heaven sent mixed in with the torture. I got out much earlier than I normally do, still too late for any "real" runner, but let's not forget I just do this to "get it done" so to speak... to save me from myself considering the amount of cooking & baking I do as part of my work. Today, I was treated to several fawns bedded down deep in mangroves. I only saw them because I heard the soft rustling of their protective mothers as my footsteps approached. I saw a huge variety of wading birds and shore birds too. I don't even know what they all were, today I saw things I've never seen before. Most were roosting back in the Bight, I had to scan through the thick vegetation to see them. I also heard things, many things. Constant rustling and shuffling in the woods. Probably iguanas, but could have been some serious sized land crabs. I've seen some holes that are larger than the size of a grapefruit. Can you imagine the size crab that lives in there? And, today I finally found the source of the beautiful fragrance that fills the air at a certain spot on my street, an immense fragrant white frangipani completely in bloom right now.
But, through all the beauty and wonder, I'm still out there to run. I don't like my sneakers anymore, and after I wear out this second pair I got up in Miami at the running store, I'm going to re-think what I wear. My time is no longer improving, plus we're moving into the time of year where running for time is much more difficult. It's getting far too hot in the afternoon for me to do anything other than survive. Every day I think "today's the day I will do more, go further, go faster" and every day honestly I fail. It's all I can to do keep up with my little daily 5k. That's not much folks, just over 3 miles. Really nothing in the scheme of a serious runner, more like a warm up. I realize that. My boot camp friends are so into running, I just sit there and listen. No, I'm not going to run a full marathon or a half. No, I don't ever feel the need to do a tri (besides, can you even imagine water terror girl attempting a triathlon? No, me either). Maybe its age, maybe its just the reality of the fast twitch fibers that I don't have. I have no idea, but admittedly it is frustrating.
I think one of the best company slogans ever created was Nike's "just do it." No frills, yet no explanation necessary. I say that to myself almost every time I come across something I dread. Just do it. So, I slog through it... whatever the "it" may be at that moment. Running. Cleaning beaches under searing mid-day sun. Waking up when it's still dark out when I desperately want to sleep in. Just do it.
So, that's what I do. And, by the way, I do get a lot of motivation from those animals I see. And from people and animals with challenges of their own. Yes, it motivates me. It helps me to watch the video of the kitty with no back legs as she walks, pulling herself forward. It motivates me to watch a veteran who had his leg blown off by an IED remove his prosthesis at a mud run, hold it over his head and get through a muddy swamp obstacle, hop by grueling hop. It motivates me that someone like Lance Armstrong (yes, I'm a HUGE fan) beats cancer, wins 7 Tours, and then in retirement moves on to things like triathlons; despite the haters who constantly try to tear him apart, to no avail as of now.
I must have running in my life now to maintain some balance on many different levels. But, I'm not "born to run" I'm the one no one talks about; out there every day, alone in the mid day sun, hating every pounding step on the asphalt; yet grateful at that very same moment I possess 2 good legs to get me through it.
It's like the people that have straight hair who want curly hair, and the curly hair people who want straight hair. I want to be a runner, but I am what I am. Acceptance is part of the deal. Now that I look back, I started begging my mom for "perms" when I was barely 10, and then about 15 years to stop perming and accept my straight hair. Maybe there's a connection. If so, I guess I've got another 13 years of angst ahead of me as I run before acceptance kicks in. 13 years, lots of sneakers, and plenty of time to keep searching for motivation. Tomorrow is another day to "just do it." I'm glad I'm not the one who has to hand out those royalty checks every time I say it, think it or dream it.
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