Burn baby burn

I'm going to come clean about something not many cooks (if any) will talk about. Its one of those "what's it REALLY like behind the scenes" topics, which I'll call "when good recipes go bad."

Much of my life revolves around food. Cooking is a large part of being an innkeeper, but my passion lies in baking. Always has. I'm constantly in the kitchen working new recipes. That being said, many people do not realize what goes on before a recipe actually "makes the cut" for addition into the rotation here. Failures; that's what goes on. MANY failures.

At this point, I've got too many recipes to count. When I took my private culinary instruction, recipes where written exclusively for Deer Run. I chose the ones I felt "made the cut," purchased them, and put them into rotation. Over the years, I've gotten lots more recipes from many sources. I've even taken the plunge and written quite a few of my own that "made the cut." Proud moments!

Its the "not so proud" moments which keep this job especially interesting. Take a day last week for example. An ordinary day. A Wednesday (I know this because I had an appointment at the gym for personal training which had to be cancelled, but I'm getting ahead of myself). I really like English muffins. I found a recipe somewhere which was a good starting point. Most any recipe that's published is, for me, simply a starting point. Being in the Keys, the heat and humidity, even when the air conditioning is running, takes a toll on baking. There are usually modifications I must make before a recipe works well here. Lately I'm making my own English muffins. It was a proud moment when my 1st batch ever of English muffins came out just right.... after several failures. Making the muffins is labor intensive, but worth it. After the dough has risen and punched down, I've got to shape the muffins, brown them, then bake them. Its the "browning" step that got me into trouble on a recent Wednesday. But, oops, I'm getting ahead of myself yet again.

When I make English muffins, I make a double or triple batch. They take so long to make, I'd rather just have extras ready and frozen, so I can pop them in the toaster when needed. A triple batch is A LOT of dough. I've got a big cast iron griddle. It weighs somewhere I'd say about 20 pounds. It covers 2 burners on my very large stove top. I am grateful to have it, but I don't use it often. Its heavy, takes a long time to heat, and is a pain to clean. Plus, I constantly have visions that some day that 20 pound griddle is going to land on my tiniest toe. So far, it hasn't.

On this recent ordinary day, I've got a triple batch of dough going. The Kitchen Aid is humming along nicely, I'm cutting nice round muffins with my cutter, the griddle on the stove is getting hot, and my oven is preheating. My counter is covered in corn meal for dusting these dozens of muffins, plus I'm sure I've got multiple ingredients melded into my wardrobe by this point too. I look at the clock. I have about 1 hour to cook & bake these muffins before I must get ready for the gym. No problem! Plenty of time! At that precise moment, a car arrives with guests checking in. I ask my partner "can you take this check in, I've got muffins going!" to which he responds "I was just working on the pump outside, can you start it, I'll shower quick and be out real soon!" This is NOT good news for the English muffins, and its where the fatal flaw lies. I decided to leave the griddle on. Once I shut it off, it takes at least 15 minutes to heat up. If I shut the griddle off, it will cut into my time at the gym, and I cannot leave the muffins go til I get home. So, off I go down the stairs to begin the check in process for our new arrivals, with my cast iron griddle still heating on the stove top.

By the time he came to take over the check ins, at least 20 more minutes had lapsed. Now the griddle has been heating for (in retrospect) far too long. I thought and wondered if this would have any adverse effect on my muffins, and decided "nope." I was wrong.

As I put the soy margarine on the griddle I had an immediate flash fire. Ironically, the fire inspectors were here that very morning checking all our equipment, I kid you not.

As the flames whooshed upwards, my first thought was, oddly enough, "I'm really glad my kitchen windows don't have curtains on them." The flames flashed so high they almost reached my exhaust hood, again I kid you not. The fire went out before I could even decide "extinguisher" or "baking soda." I decided the problem was the griddle was too hot, so I would simply cool it down a little. With water. Apparently that wasn't a good idea either, as the instant I did so, the fire flashed again, this time even bigger. To make things even more fun, the smoke began to accumulate through my quarters, plus the smoke alarm was going off. This occurred 5 times. FIVE TIMES. By the 3rd occurrence, I was pretty calm and knew nothing serious would happen beyond the billowing smoke and lovely "what's burning" smell, but hey, if you knew me before I worked here cooking for a living, this would've seemed way more normal than now. Trust me.

Most thankfully, my VERY kind personal trainer took pity when I contacted her to let her know I'd be running a little late due a very small kitchen mishap. She rescheduled me for the next day (yay!) and I was able to save everything, including the pan so I could make those perfect little English muffins.

Next time you're dining out, and see those perfect little "whatevers" on your plate at a restaurant, a cafe, a B&B or even Deer Run, don't wonder too hard what really went on behind the scenes. You'd probably rather never know, and we'd rather never say. Instead, you can picture me just like those on Food Network, perfectly coiffed, dressed in evening finery, with a fancy frilly apron on. Better than than the realty of me in a baseball cap & something Hello Kitty related, covered in flour, along with one of my 10 industrial style kitchen aprons wrapped tightly around covering me from head to toe. Will anyone ever wonder again WHY I don't want my picture taken, EVER.

I wonder if Emeril started out like this.