Recent_Comments

Sunday, April 3, 2011

They Shoot Innkeepers, Don't They? Part 2

So, when last we left, I was regaling you with my "to do, un do, re do" as far as baking bread that ended up in my cleaning bucket. I mentioned that Mr. Happy Vegan apparently was having his own "to do, un do, re do" day, but I was completely unaware of this, until he couldn't stop laughing over my pepperminty, soapy bread sponge. It was at this time that he broke down and shared this story.

The Earth rotates, so we lost our sunrises on the cam (but not in real life on the beach, yay!) Mr. Happy Vegan had a brilliant idea to pivot the cam towards sunset. Since we still don't have our pan/zoom with remote installed yet, this meant he had to climb up to the (slippery), very slanted, (hot) metal roof. Up he goes, 3 stories skyward, with tools in both hands. Funny thing, that day he was wearing a pair of crappy shorts that had pockets only about 2 inches deep (this is important), and an even crappier pair of flip flops. He's up on the roof, just about high noon (very hot).

If you haven't seen our roof, in addition to my description, this metal roof is a "hurricane" roof. Each segment is about 12 inches wide, then there's a ridge, and the segments are bolted down. The bolts protrude over the entire roof every 8 inches (take note, another important factoid. Are you beginning to see where I'm going with this yet?)

As Mr. Happy Vegan began walking sideways, in his crappy flip flops, with his tools in his 2 inch deep pockets and in his hands, his feet began to slip out of said flip flops thanks to the sideways factor. So.... he begins his "happy dance" which basically means "flesh on hot roof = not really happy, but I'm calling it happy" dance. There he is, up on the roof, sideways happy dancing, when he finally reaches the cam. As he began to unscrew the cam so he could move it, he shoved the bolts in his 2 inch deep pockets. He continued his sideways happy dance, now with tools & bolts in crappy pockets, tools in hand, and the lovely addition of the very expensive cam in hand, heading for the new location. He did not make it unscathed.

The bolts began to vibrate out of his crappy 2 inch pockets, and then "tink tink tink." They clattered down the top roof, rolled off, down 2 stories, bounced off the porch roof on story #1, and were gone... beach bound. Mr. Happy Vegan stood and watched. He won't say it, but I'm sure there was some audible cursing, or at the very least a gasp of despair mixed in with a giant open jaw. Mr. Happy Vegan placed the cam, tools, and what bolts remained carefully on the roof. Sideways walking to the edge, then climbing down 3 stories. He began his beach search for the rest of the 2 inch bolts that matched the color of the beach rock. His search lasted about 45 minutes. Back he went to the roof.

The sideways happy dance part 2 began. Upon finally making it back to the location he left the cam, tools & rest of the bolts, he retrieved everything and jammed the tools and bolts back into his 2" pockets. He continued to the new cam destination. Wasn't it Einstein that said something along the lines of "insanity is doing the exact same thing over and over, then expecting different results."

There's a special screwdriver that adjusts the declination of the cam (oooo, fancy word). The minute he stopped at the new destination, you got it, that special screwdriver flew out his crappy 2 inch pocket and then "tink tink tink." Down the roof it went, to the street side of the house. "Whew" that's a relief" he thought, since it went street side, not beach side. Then, he realized it landed in the gutter... "even better," he thought. All he had to do was retrieve it from the gutter, at least not having to go all 3 flights. So, he placed the cam, tools & bolts back on the roof, and slid down the (hot, slanted) roof doing a backwards crabby crawl over those lovely bolts every 8 inches, and those remarkable ridges every 12 inches. He made it to the gutter. He looked inside, and to his amazement right where the special screwdriver fell in, was the downspout. No screwdriver. Insert more jaw dropping and likely audible cursing here.

He climbed down the 3 flights, over to the rain barrel under the offending downspout. "At least the rain barrel has a screen over it", he thought, "close call it didn't land in the bottom of the rain barrel." But, somehow, there was still no screwdriver in the downspout. As he banged on the downspout, her heard it begin to move down a little more. But, not enough. He had to remove the entire downspout because the special screwdriver was jammed in the curve.

With the downspout removed, screwdriver retrieved, and downspout restored, Mr. Happy Vegan began climbing back up on the roof. Total time invested in a "20 minute job" to this point is close to 4 hours. He's back on the roof, sideways walking, special screwdriver in hand, and retrieving the stuff. He installs the cam. Finally. On the sideways happy dance to exit the roof, that crappy flip flop which was useless (so he thought), flew completely off his foot, and slid down the roof, rolling onto the porch roof. The sideways happy dance turned a little more animated. The flip flop got stuck on the porch roof. It didn't even have the good manners to fly beach side OR street side. It just sat there on said porch roof. Meaning once he finally got off the (hot, slanted) roof (now with only 1 shoe), and retrieved another pair of (crappy) flop flops PLUS a ladder, he still had to climb and get the offending flip flop.

I guess pepperminty soapy bread sponges looked kind of mild compared to his day.

1 comment:

  1. There's a book in there somewhere... and Bill Cosby would pay for the rights

    ReplyDelete